Ooooh. How now?

I have "followers"? Quelle awesomeness! I suppose that's yet another feature of Blogger I haven't been arsed to learn about. But I like! Thanks! I am newly motivated to keep my blog updated! For selfish reasons too, really, since more and more I'm realizing that this is the only record I have of these crazy times in the life of me. I just went back and had a wee giggle at my stressed out self in 2006, writing when I first started working at the firm. I described my state of mind as "near-catatonic" with fear that I was always thisclose to monumentally screwing up and costing the firm a shitload of money. Hee! Ahh. The more things change...

Today I'm only really clear-headed enough to write this early in the morning because Josh, the dear, kind man, got up with the baby when she started her 7am shenanigans. Probably due to my very subtle request yesterday morning that he sometimes take the baby out of bed when she starts her shenanigans...you know..starting now? *whistle* He did take it in good grace, though, but don't think I didn't hear you tell the baby that mommy's cranky. I hear everything. I have developed cat-like auricular facilities from hours spent holding my breath listening to every peep and sigh coming out of the baby monitor. You'll never slip one past me now, suckahs.

I did have a point to this post for a change! We have actually come out and decided that if I can get a decent job, we're moving to California at the end of the summer. What this makes me feel between relief and excitement and hope, I can't even begin to describe...because before making this decision we were going to move to New Jersey. New Jersey. Not that there's anything wrong with that (*muffled snort*), except that it would just fill me with dread and horror every time I thought on it. I'm just not ready to become a suburban housewife, especially not out here when we spend eight months out of the year as prisoners in our home. This maternity leave has seriously almost done me in and I think it's because of being stuck stuck stuck inside every farking day. Like most New Yorkers, we don't have a car, and there's no mall or anything around where we can go do laps and keep warm. It's march about in the arctic outdoors or nothing. And I choose nothing over frigid temperatures...but that makes for a very long day! And a near-hysterical baby who'd rather look at anything but me by the end of it. Smart lady.

That turned into a total rant about Manhattan...which it wasn't supposed to be. Oops. Manhattan is wonderful - it really is - but it's meant for young people without kids, or fabulously wealthy people. Since we're no longer the former, and have no hope of becoming the latter, it's time to mosey on. Of course, the horrifying economy may make it impossible to make our move this year, but at least our Plan B is to rent a two bedroom in Brooklyn for another year and then try again. Which I can live with! 

It's true. Oh god, it's true.

Everything "they" said about how you just don't know wtf you did with your time before you had kids. Completely and utterly true. I mean, we do need to account for the fact that I've always been a bit of a loser and it's not like my social card was always full - there's been many a weekend where I (*shameful face*) didn't leave my apartment except for a quickie Starbucks or drugstore run. But in hindsight, my past life stretches back into time in my imagination as an idyllic period of unlimited, well-rested opportunity. Even if the grandest of my accomplishments has been to catch every single Law & Order marathon on TNT that's aired in the last two years.

It's not that I don't get periods of opportunity or frankly even idleness these days. It's just an entirely new animal...like the time I get to mindlessly surf the web while my daughter is nursing, or to read quietly next to her crib while I'm desperately willing her to sleep longer than twenty minutes. Could I pop in an exercise video while she sleeps? Perhaps...but it's hard to work up the motivation when the landscape could change so drastically in a matter of minutes. It's just not an appealing idea: peel myself off the couch, get into my workout gear, clear furniture, grab my weights and pop in video, only to be stopped five minutes in by a wail from the next room. What? What's that you say? Sometimes about excuses? Well...mebbeh so. :) But the general point stands...what in the name of everything that's holy did I ever do with my hours and hours of spare time? Seriously? Why didn't I learn a language? Run for office? Write a couple of bodice rippers? Bake up a wedding cake or two on the weekends?

Piglet's awake, so not much time to chat, but just a little snapshot of this moment in time. We're in the middle of trying to i

mpose some control on the chaos that is her wee life. Mostly in the form of regular naps in her crib. Every single day is a new adventure...predictability ain't her strong suit. Mostly I worry about getting things in order before she starts daycare in - gulp - less than two months. But apparently many changes are in store between months three and five, so I remain optimistic.

Piglet says hi.